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Showing posts with label General. Show all posts
Showing posts with label General. Show all posts

Sunday, 19 July 2009

How many blondes does it take to play an audio tape?

I thought these dumb blonde jokes were just a way to make fun of few folks, who might have inadvertently done something stupid much to the amusement of folks who witness it.

But indeed, there is some iota of truth here… today I saw three blondes attempting to play an audio tape in a three in one player( Three in one, since it is an antiquated piece of hardware, plays FM radio, plays CD and of course magnetic tapes.)

So these three females in question were attempting to play the magnetic tape in this player, but, the player refused to play it. Then started the usual play around it.

All the while failing to realize that it was in the cd mode and that it would not play a magnetic tape, until and unless, you changed it to the tape mode.

Phew… it does indeed take three blondes to play an audio tape.

 

PS: Names have been changed to protect identities and of course my own well being. References will not be provided on request.

Sunday, 17 August 2008

The greatest villain in Mahabharat or .. was he not?

Few weeks back, I came across the Economic Times supplement, Corporate Dossier. This usually carries an article by Dr. Devdutt Patnaik. Its called Management Mythos.
Its one of the most interesting columns to read, specifically because how he weaves different story lines into the present world context. Its pretty much about how we could look to our rich mythology for inspiration.
Well, for the title of this blog, it is to share a story which I learnt recently courtesy, Dr. Devdutt Patnaik.

One of the most hated characters in Mahabharat is the maternal uncle of the Kauravas, Shakuni. He is the one who instigates Duryodhana, and keeps influencing his decisions in a way that he was meant to doom!!! Why??
The reason could possibly be in a small story which is told in some parts of Andhra Pradesh. It goes something like this.
Before Gandhari was be married to Dhritharashtra, she was married to a sacrificial goat, so as to avert some calamity. Of course the goat was sacrificed promptly. This was supposed to be a secret. However, elders in the Kaurava clan got to know about this information. So as to avoid any scandal they put the entire family of Gandhari, except Gandhari under house arrest. Under house arrest, they were served food which would be barely sufficient to sustain a single individual. Shakuni was the youngest of this family which was under house arrest. The head of the family realizing that this was a ploy to get them all killed, made sure that Shakuni got all the food that was being given. Eventually the entire family under house arrest, except Shakuni dies. This is where Shakuni uses the bones of his father and brothers to make the enchanted dice, and swears that he would destroy the entire Kaurava clan. This dice is what he eventually uses to defeat the Pandavas in a gambling contest. If you look at this fable, it portrays Shakuni as an avenging angel, as compared to what we generally perceive him.

This is one of the many stories which Dr.Devdutt Patnaik puts across in many of his columns he writes for.

You can check out his website, which has a lot of other such snippets.
http://www.devdutt.com/

Sunday, 10 August 2008

iPhone... worth it???

Following is an analysis on the iPhone phenomenon, done by a person I know. The views are entirely his own and not mine. For his credibility, I would say that he works in the mobile phone development industry and of course needless to say that he doesnt work for Apple...
Here we go....
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Friends .....those of you in India planning for iPhone... THINK TWICE BEFORE MAKING A DECISION... The short comings of iPhone are endless...No video calling,no AD2P on the Bluetooth,CAN'T share ANY (mp3, images,videos....) files via bluetooth, can't use as a wireless modem, (you pay ridiculous data charges to activate internet on your phone, but cannot connect it to your PC and browse when you are at home) no copy and paste,(cannot copy a part of a.... say.... email & send it....have to type it out yourself)no 3.2 or 5 megapixel camera,(the 2MP camera it carries is worst camera i've ever seen..... photos look like they have come out of a VGA camera) no video recording with camera,no front camera,no flash.no JAVA supportNo physical keyboard (BELIEVE me! this alone is a dealbreaker...touch keyboard as good as it looks...once you use it then only you come to know about the importance of having a hard keypad)No 3G network yet in India..so why pay for expensive 3G phone if you cant use its 3G services ... so, for India, iPhone 2.0 is no better than its first versionNo removable battery. (You cannot change battery. Have to send it to apple outlet.. Come on now!!!!...This is not an iPod. Its a bloody phone. You cannot live without phone for 2-3 days) No haptic feedback andcannot send MMS,can't use as external storage device (16 GB of utter waste..next time you go to your friend's house & find some interesting songs, movies, etc...sorry you cannot connect your '16 GB' phone and share it!!!! Apple apparently has a solution.. " BUY MUSIC & MOVIES FROM iTUNES STORE "..... Give me a break will you APPLE!!!)no FM radio,can't use your mp3 files as ringtones,(This is heights man!!!) cannot insert any other SIM card….completely tied to iTunes... Connect to your friend's iTunes & you risk erasing everything on your phone.list goes on & on & on….We Indians are used to these features. Most of our phones already have these features. & we cannot do with out them.... i mean can you imagine paying so much for a phone with which you cannot transfer files via bluetooth. what age is this ...STONE AGE??? Some features may be activated by jailbreak.. But why the hell should you risk losing your warranty after paying so much.And want to add third party softwares??.. YOU HAVE TO BUY THEM FROM iTUNES STORE ONLY!!! . (Shell out more money). Apple is a bloody control freak. Dont surrender your freedom to it.Its good for american market (who have no idea what mobile freedom/choice is) which is in stone age compared to asian/european markets. When they want to buy a phone, they have to go to network operators and buy only those phones that are available on that network. & stick to that company till their contract expires. You want to change carriers? Not before paying damages, & buying another phone on the other network again. On the contrary, we in India have so much freedom. We go to handset shops & buy which ever phone we like. Then go to carriers.. checkout the plans & buy SIM.. Dont like the plan or rival carrier came up with a better plan???? EASY .. just remove & replace the SIM. Apple are trying to IMPOSE THEIR MODEL ON US riding on the hype iPhone has created in the US (yes it was a flop in Europe ..thats why Apple never talks about its sales in Europe).Dont fall for the subsidized price of iPhone... CHECKOUT THE DATA PLAN ATTACHED TO ITS SIM ..they will recover the cost through ridiculous data plans. Bill might come to around Rs 2500/month.(ATLEAST AMERICANS PAY THAT MUCH)Let me clear one thing though.. iphone is the best looking phone (its touch interface is nothing like you have ever seen ), & best browsing experience out there no doubt .... (& others are fast catching up..check out the android demo at Google IO 2008).... BUT AFTER A FEW DAYS IT ALL COMES DOWN TO FUNCTIONALITY...Those of who buy it... You will be most happy for atmost a week... & then, MARK MY WORDS...YOU WILL START REGRETTING IT!!!My advice...WAIT FOR HTC DREAM!! (powered by android). Still not convinced by then...by all means go for iPhone...So friends lets spread this info to all our friends and help them in making a wise decision..... & those of you who have bought unlocked versions already please share your experiences with others THANKS FOR YOUR TIME.... GOODLUCK!!!
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Apart from that another aspect is that the service providers in India are yet to launch 3g services in India...
So this was the info I had. Its upto you to make an informed decision...
CIAO!!!

Tuesday, 1 April 2008

Tips on Filling petrol in your Vehicles...

This is a Message from an email received from a friend:

I don't know what you guys are paying for petrol... but here in Durban, we are also paying higher, up to 47.35 per litre.
But my line of work is in petroleum for about 31 years now, so here are some tricks to get more of your money's worth for every litre. Here at the Marian Hill Pipeline, where I work in Durban, we deliver about 4 million litres in a 24-hour period thru the pipeline. One day is diesel; the next day is jet fuel, and petrol, LRP and Unleaded. We have 34-storage tanks here with a total capacity of 16,800,000 litres.

ONLY BUY OR FILL UP YOUR CAR OR BIKKIE IN THE EARLY MORNING WHEN THE GROUND TEMPERATURE IS STILL COLD.

Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground, the denser the fuel, when it gets warmer petrol expands, so buying in the afternoon or in the evening.... your litre is not exactly a litre. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the petrol, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products play an important role. A 1degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But the service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps.

WHEN YOU'RE FILLING UP, DO NOT SQUEEZE THE TRIGGER OF THE NOZZLE TO A FAST MODE.

If you look, you will see that the trigger has three (3) stages: low,middle, and high. In slow mode, you should be pumping on low speed, thereby minimizing the vapours that are created, while you are pumping. All hoses at the pump have a vapour return. If you are pumping on the fast rate, some of the liquid that goes to your tank becomes vapour. Those vapours are being sucked up and back into the underground storage tank so you're getting less worth for your money.

ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT TIPS IS TO FILL UP WHEN YOUR TANK IS HALF FULL.

The reason for this is, the more fuel you have in your tank, the less air occupying its empty space. Petrol evaporates faster than you can imagine. Petroleum storage tanks have an internal floating roof. This roof serves as zero clearance between the petrol and the atmosphere, so it minimizes the evaporation. Unlike service stations, here where I work, every truck that we load is temperature compensated, so that every litre is actually the exact amount.

ANOTHER REMINDER, IF THERE IS A FUEL TRUCK PUMPING INTO THE STORAGE TANKS, WHEN YOU STOP TO BUY, DO NOT FILL UP.

Most likely the petrol/diesel is being stirred up as the fuel is being delivered, and you might pick up some of the dirt that normally settles on the bottom. Hope, this will help you get the maximum value for your money.

DO SHARE THESE TIPS WITH OTHERS! LET’S SHARE INFORMATION AND BENEFIT ALL, FOR THE BETTER OF MANKIND.

Well as it says towards the end, share this information with other to help them. Thats what I am doing right now... Hope this helps!!

Tuesday, 25 September 2007

Hey RAM!!!

This is a forward I received in my mail box today!!!
I do not know who has written it.
But its worth reading... :)
The Lord surveyed the Ram Setu and said "Hanuman, how diligently and
strenuously you and your vanara sena had built this bridge several
centuries back. It is remarkable that it has withstood the ravages of
the climatic and geographical changes over centuries. It is indeed an
amazing feat especially considering the fact that a bridge at Hyderabad
built by Gammon using latest technology collapsed the other day even
before they could stick the posters on its pillars."

Hanuman with all humility spoke "Jai Sri Ram, it is all because of your
grace. We just scribbled your name on the bricks and threw them in the
sea and they held. No steel from TISCO or cement from Ambuja or ACC was
ever used. But Lord, why rake up the old issue now."

Ram spoke "Well, Hanuman some people down there want to demolish the
bridge and construct a canal. The contract involves lot of money and lot
of money will be made. They will make money on demolition and make more
money on construction. "

Hanuman humbly bowed down and said "Why not we go down and present our case"

Ram said "Times have changed since we were down there. They will ask us
to submit age proof and we don't have either a birth certificate or
school leaving certificate. We traveled mainly on foot and some times in
bullock carts and so we don't have a driving license either. As far as
the address proof is concerned the fact that I was born at Ayodhya is
itself under litigation for over half a century, If I go in a
traditional attire with bow and arrow, the ordinary folks may recognize
me but Arjun Singh may take me to be some tribal and, at the most, offer
a seat at IIT under the reserved category. Also, a God
cannot walk in dressed in a three-piece suit and announce his arrival.
It would make even the devotees suspicious.

So it is dilemma so to say."

"I can vouch for you by saying that I personally built the bridge."
"My dear, Anjani putra, it will not work. They will ask you to produce
the lay-out plan, the project details, including financial outlay and
how the project cost was met and the completion certificate. Nothing is
accepted without documentary evidence in India. You may cough but unless
a doctor certifies it, you have no cough. A pensioner may present
himself personally but the authorities do not take it as proof. He has
to produce a life-certificate to prove that he is alive. It is that
complicated."

"Lord can't understand these historians. Over the years you have given
darshan once every hundred years to saints like Surdas, Tulsidas, Saint
Thyagaraja, Jayadeva, Bhadrachala Ramdas and even Sant Tukaram and still
they disbelieve your existence and say Ramayana is a myth. The only
option, I see, is to re-enact Ramayana on earth and set the government
records straight once for all."

Lord smiled "It isn't that easy today. Ravan is apprehensive that he may
look like a saint in front of Karunanidhi. I also spoke to his mama
Mareecha, who appeared as a golden deer to tempt Sita maiyya when I was
in the forest and he said that he won't take a chance of stepping on
earth as long as Salman Khan is around."

Tuesday, 3 April 2007

2 Guys, A Girl and a Pizza place.

Now that I have your attention, lets replace "A Girl" with a bottle of whiskey.
Aha...I never realized, that I am replacing one intoxicant with another!!!. And of course, lets drop the pizza place, not that when two guys are drunk to the hilt, they bother whether they are in a pizza place or a strip joint or dipping their head in the rest room(YUCK!!!)

Now to disclose the identity of the two guys. No!!! I am not doing that, for fear of my own well being and of course a humble request from them as well.

The whiskey was Canadian Mist.

I have seen what liquor can do to ppl. Not that I hadn't seen drunken folks before, but I had never been witness to a man drinking and going berserk.

I witnessed a sort of de-evolution. Here was a man, going back to his primeval times, the whiskey had triggered the mutant gene in him. Behold!!! for he had become an APE!!!!

He was banging down chairs on the floor like some gorilla playing with a log of wood, he was jumping around the whole room. The mention of members of the opposite sex elicited an amazing response. It was similar to that of a full grown gorilla with over charged testosterone. This was a full blown display of the awakened basic instinct which was lying dormant in him.

I wish I could capture in film, these moments of whatever you might think of it as.


I am sure many folks out there have plenty of bizzare tales about ppl drunk as though there is no tomorrow.

But this sure was a first for me.
And it pretty much strengthens my resolve to never take up drinking.

Thursday, 18 January 2007

Slow Down Culture

A very interesting article!!!!

An interesting reflection. : Slow Down Culture
It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2 years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule.
Globalize processes have caused in us (all over the world) a general sense of searching for immediate results. Therefore, we have come to posses a need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate, hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme.
At the end, this always yields better results.

Said in another words:
1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil.
2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.
3. Stockholm, has 500,000 people.
4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, Nokia are some of its renowned companies.

Volvo supplies the NASA. The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning.
It was September, bit cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their car to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, either the second or third. One morning I asked, "Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot." To which he replied, "Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a place closer to the door. Don't you think? Imagine my face.

Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe name Slow Food. This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing. Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week. Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness" generated by globalization, fueled by the desire of "having in quantity" (life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the "quality of being". French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more productive than Americans or British. Germans have established 28.8 hour workweeks and have seen their productivity been driven up by 20%.
This slow attitude has brought forth the US's attention, pupils of the fast and the "do it now!". This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It means reestablishing family values, friends, free and leisure time. Taking the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of living. It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do. It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of products and services, without losing the essence of spirit.

In the movie, Scent of a Woman, there's a scene where Al Pacino asks a girl to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute now". To which Al responds, "A life is lived in an instant". Then they dance to a tango.

Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present, which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment.

As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".

Monday, 15 January 2007

An Apartheid Body!!!

Another incident of apartheid comes to face the ICC. This time its some South African playe giving racist abuses to Pakistani spectators.
The International Council for Cricket, well so it says, but its the governing body or rather a protection body only for the white nations of the council.
In spite of the fact that the so called Asian block, is the reason for the cash flows into the ICC, there seems to be absolutely no respect whatsoever for players of non white nations.
The way decisions are given in a cricket match, you would think the umpires have gone blind. And they turn blind only when its the non white player who is at the receiving end. Sachin Tendulkar, one of the most legendary players, has some embarrassing decisions to his name. Namely, shoulder before wicket, pushed out, etc. And what were the umpires doing at that very instance? They were busy doing nothing. Absolutely irritating!!!
Then we have the famous Umpire, Darell Hair. He has an amazing reputation of being able to spot issues or create problems with the Pakistan cricket team or the Sri Lankan cricket team. His friendship with Muttiah Muralitharan is almost a tale of legends!!! Mr. Darell Hair called Murali for a no ball seven times during the course of a match. Even the legendary batsman, the late Sir Don Bradman was quoted as saying "worst example of umpiring that [he had] witnessed, and against everything the game stands for. Clearly Murali does not throw the ball".

If you look at players behaviour, white players are forgiven under the pretext of mere aggression or some other word, while non white players are pulled up for setting up wrong examples for the game. This smacks of double standards!!! The Australian team is the worst example of sportsmanship. They are undoubtedly the best team yet, but does that require them to be shamelessly arrogant? This team has a history of unwanted situations, they get into. I wont waste cyber space with repetitions of their childish behaviour. The West Indian team was also at its peak in the initial years of this game. No one could challenge their skills or the team. Yet, they were never so arrogant. Then what is it that makes this new lot so arrogant?

The BCCI on its part is just a pack on spineless individuals, who do not have any guts to put forth a fight for its players!! The way certain individuals are selected into the Indian cricket team, we wonder if they select the team by drawing lots? Our selectors are the worst!!!
Wonder when things might change. When would fair play prevail? Lets wait and watch!!!

Monday, 8 January 2007

THE SPOON!!!!

The Spoon
Last week, we went to a new restaurant, & noticed the waiter carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around & saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"
"Well, he said, the restaurant's owners hired a Chartered Professional Engineering firm to revamp all our processes. They concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If we are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."
I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
"Oh, certainly!" then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant.The engineering firm also found out that we can save time in the restroom.By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.
I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."



THATS IT!! Henceforth I am carrying my own spoon to any restaurant!!!

Saturday, 6 January 2007

The Ramayana , A Devi & The Sadhu and list goes on...



The title might make this look like some kinda religious discourse based blog. Albeit NO!!!
Its all about outputs from a new venture between Shekhar Kapur, Gotham Kapoor & Virgin Comics ( Richard Branson ).

http://www.virgincomics.com/preview.html


The results are amazing. The drawings are surreal!! Am impressed. The take on Ramayana is something new. Its a far far fetch from Ramanand Sagar's Ramayana ( Indian audiences would be familiar with it. )

This version of Ramayana is a story told somewhere after 3000 A.D. Have a peak at the graphics below.



























The other one is a story told of Shakti. The storyline is similar to that of Goddess Durga. But again put in a new modern approach. Graphics as below:





The difference between the Goddess
Durga and the characterization of Devi is that she is a mortal, who gets her powers in each birth. Another twist in the story is that Devi is the girlfriend of one of the key henchmen of the villain in this storyline. The Villain is known as Bala, whose background again is that of a fallen angel who rises again, but with powers much beyond the other Gods.



The next in this series is The Sadhu. Look at the graphics below.


This story is set during the Indian Independence struggle. And is based on an english soldier.

I would like to read these comics, especially so for the NRI kids who might be on a staple diet of Marvel & DC comics. Though my statement might be wrong. Another aspect is how this would be welcomed in India? Would the saffron brigade create hurdles? Would self proclaimed champions of Indian culture come out and create effigies ? I would keep a wait and watch attitude!!

Nevertheless comic buffs could visit the link mentioned above and get a glimpse of all thats in store, there is an offering from John Woo, and some other noted guys as well!! On a personal note, am waiting to get my hands on it!!!


Wednesday, 3 January 2007

Anatomy of a cold

for those who think, that I would be discussing what a cold is in biological terms, No, not at all. This is a way to vent out my sheer fustration of suffering from cold.


Cold or Cough or whatever you call it. It can strike you any moment, can catch you completely off gaurd... And once it strikes, there is no escape. Its like a barbaric sworde of armymen who burn and pillage and wreak havoc on places they attack. In the end there are just corpses strewn around.
Similary, once the damn cold attacks, it attacks you, blah blah ( achooo) , etc etc...

And somehow every one in this world has some important thing, which they wish you to attend, when you have a cold. The importance of the task is directly proportional to the nastiness of your cold.


I have emptied almost half of the bottle of pepper powder, but to no effect. The cold still haunts me. The bottle of cough syrups is almost emptied, the medicines are almost over...but the DAMN COLD STILL PERSISTS!!! If only our cricket team could persist so well in the face of adversity.


I sincerely hope, some scientist maps the genetic code of the cold virus and help humanity destroy this virus. Ironically, the cold virus is the one virus which saves all of humanity from being mutated or whatever it was, in one of Robin Cooks novel. I guess it was called "Invasion".


Tuesday, 2 January 2007

Greetings and some Retrospection

We now start the new year...after waiting for exactly a year, I finally get to see the year 2007.
I sincerely hope that his year turns out good.
Unfortunately, for a few folks the new year also started with some bad news

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601101&sid=aVv3D1a8XamM&refer=japan

http://www.irishexaminer.com/breaking/story.asp?j=205806766&p=zx58x747z&n=205807526

May these be the only unfortunate incidents this year.

On the personal front, I have couple of milestones and look forward to successfully achieving them.
In retrospection, last year was an eventful year on the professional front.
We created an entirely new architecture for our project. I revamped the codes, to bring down the processing time to 1 hour from the previous 10 hours. For that I deserve a pat on my back!! (which I did get...along with a kick on my butt!!)
And as we go ahead, we have plenty of technical challenges on our hands. Not to mention the usual story of funds and resource crunches!!!
Plenty of events awaiting to unfold themselves gradually this year!!

Wishing everybody a very happy new year!!